You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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