Betty ford says i'm here all night
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
