You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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