bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
