my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
