2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
