well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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