Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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