I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
