Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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