Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
