I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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