Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(514): View more from Quebec

I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?

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(323): View more from California

I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.

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(773): View more from Illinois

not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.

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(703): View more from Virginia

I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.

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(251): View more from Alabama

As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"

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(716): View more from New York

I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount

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(519): View more from Ontario

Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.

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(480): View more from Arizona

Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?

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