Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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