You don't have asthma, your pregnant
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
