At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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