my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Quick, to the slutcave!
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
