even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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