do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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