he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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