This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
40s are totally the cure
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
