Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
