Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
