My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
