We named our party play list daddy issues
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
