You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
