Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
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