i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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