My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
