I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
