i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
