Need sex. Gaining weight.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
