Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
