Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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