I'm lost and stupid without you.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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