Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
