she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Randomize
