How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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