i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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