I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
