I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
