Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
