If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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