Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
