She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
only if we run a train.
done.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
