I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
he thought i was a dude.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
