Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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