Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
