can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
