Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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